Wednesday, February 02, 2011

long time no see.
i miss blogging.
i miss you blog.

i read a friend's blog just now, and that's why i was reminded about my own sweet blog.
why did i stop writing in the first place, i dont know...

probably because at that time, i entered the medical department and its almost impossible to spend any time online while being in that department. nevertheless, i loved it so much and i enjoyed the time i had there. such a busy place to work in, but such fun time...

anyway, after i left medical, i guess i just forgot. or, i thought i have grown out of blogging.

hey, guess what, i am in my fifth posting now. one posting left, that i'll be automatically upgraded to ud44. the journey has been good so far. i have its regular ups and downs...

you know what? as i read my previous entries, im beginning to regret for not documenting the things i have encountered. the things that touched my heart....

so, whats new about my life, you might ask.... daddy passed away last december. it was a shock, daddy was a healthy man. may he rest in peace. i am not comfortable in sharing the details here, but yeah, hes gone and we are doing fine, i guess.....

thats the only big news!

other news like, well, im still not married and im still getting married to the same man who proposed to me....we havent set the date yet but will announce soon....hes coming to KL next week so im excited....

so, till we meet again, miss yah!

i-lyn at 12:22 PM

(2) comments

Sunday, March 28, 2010

entering medical next.

gile takut! like berdebar-debar gile coz i heard about so many scary things about medical. my life will be more hectic than ever.

bayangkan, extension beds boleh sampai ke lift. nooooo.......

and selalunye kite harap patients patients yang tak kronik setakat sakit perut diarrhoea tu pergi lari dari hospital je....

so far, my patients belum ade yg mati lagi, but in medical, kematian setiap hari adelah satu kemestian so i dont know whether i can handle it or not, or whether i will transform into someone who simply doesnt care: people die all the time............

"you will learn not to over attach to your patients," my friend said.

tapi shouldn't every human in this world deserve a tear or two when they pass away??????


the good thing is, im finally done with o&g.

o&g in htar klang. entahlah. kena experience sendiri kot. gile tension kerja dekat department ni. lepas tu sibuk sibuk bising bising kenapa takde orang nak jadi MO dekat o&g. they need about 22 MO, but currently they have around 15 MOs, and kena buat banyak EOD calls. padan muka!!


boleh tak investigate diri sendiri dulu before you ask why we dont want to be a part of your team?

we love o&g, we love to become an o&g, just not in htar klang, sorry....

kena tengok dengan mata kepala sendiri how they treat us.

personally, i think they are unwelcoming. tapi tak boleh cerita secara detail la....karang kena saman....

tapi kesian...haish, kesian betul lah! sometimes i rasa, tak professional pun ade jugak...

i-lyn at 5:40 AM

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Sunday, February 14, 2010

oh, lupa nak bagitau.

hari tu ade sorang pompuan ni died of sepsis due to pelvic abscess.

young. 39 years old. ade 6 orang anak, ranging from the age 4 to 17.

baru diagnosed 3 bulan macam tu lah.

masuk operation. lepas tu masuk ICU. lepas tu meninggal dunia.

so, i was reading the notes.

DIL (death in line) was issued to her, jeng jeng jeng....17-year-old son!!!!!!!

i was like, sedih gileeeeeeee..........

can you imagine, you tengah form 5, ade banyak adik, paling kecik umur 4 tahun, sekali doktor panggil, telling you that your mother can die tonight, tomorrow, anytime soon...

"adik....saya nak bagitau, mak awak ni tengah sakit tenat. kita tak tahu apa yang akan berlaku malam ni atau esok, tapi saya nak bagitau, ramai doktor dekat sini, dan kita akan sedaya upaya buat yang terbaik untuk mak awak......."

kalau i yang break the news, confirm i nangis dekat situ jugak.......

kenapa kena issue DIL dekat budak 17 tahun (im sure they couldnt get anyone else to come to the hospital).

then, i could imagine, the 17 year old boy nak pergi bagitau adik dia yang umur 4 tahun yang mak dia dah takde.

oh, sedihnyeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

i-lyn at 3:42 PM

(1) comments

the scary thing is...

i think i started to like o&g.
but that was only for a while, thank god!

hahahahahahha...takde keje aku nak stay in o&g department, please lah!

but it could be exciting.

sekarang ni i dekat labour room.

i think only in HTAR klang you could find

- not one, but two twin deliveries
- breech
- intrauterine death
- patau syndrome
- ambiguous genitalia
- polydactyly
- postpartum heamorrhage
- rheumatic heart disease in labour

ALL IN ONE DAY! MO and i tak makan satu hari!

semalam i oncall....

"doctor, meh sini kejap!!!!!!"

"ye, kenapa?"

"doktor tolong pastikan ni cephalic ke?"


so i pun buat VE. tak rase rambut siot! dah bukak 6cm. primigravida, mother dah terjerit jerit...

"amik speculum!"

sekali nampak bontot...

selama ni orang buat VE semua ckp cephalic. hahaha....nasib baik that was the first time i did the VE on her. kalau tak malu i tak dapat detect it was breech (songsang).

after bagitau MO, specialist pun datang.

"how come we have an undiagnosed breech in the ward!"

nasib baik bukan salah i okay...
sebab mak dia dah terjerit jerit, bawak pergi emergency c-section je lah......

i-lyn at 2:02 PM

(1) comments

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

okay. so, i was proposed!!!!

hahahaha...i seldom share my personal life with my 'fiance' here, but today i will!
(p/s: he is not my fiance, and never will be. but saya sudah dirisik. so, kalau segi islam, orang lain dah tak boleh mengorat saya dah!!! hahahaha)

anyway, so we had a fight a week ago. it didnt last long, but i was surprised he made plans to come down to kl to see me.

he asked me whether im oncall on the weekends, and straight away i knew something was up his sleeves.

"kenapa you tanya? you nak datang ke?????"

he is not a good secret keeper, but trying. he didnt answer my question, so i knew the answer was yes. (because if he wasnt coming, he would have said no. kalau tak, mengamuk la i sebab bagi harapan palsu)

so, last saturday, we went to klcc to survey for our hantarans.

the day was almost perfect. ive found my dream handbag and the perfect watch. and i was wearing something nice........

then he said he wanted to take me out for dinner. i asked him where to, but he didnt want to tell me. i ni kan pandai korek rahsia, so i tanyalah bile nak pergi, jauh ke dari klcc.....

he said, lebih kurang sejam dari klcc, dia pun tak pernah makan dekat i pun randomly guessed, "you nak bawak i pergi bora ombak ehhhhhhhh!!!!!!!"

and he laughed, "macam mana you tahu? you ni pandai teka lah!!!!!!!"

and i pun suke suke lah sebab i dapat teka and tak pernah makan dekat bora ombak. tapi weird la jugak kenapa sampai sejam nak sampai sana.

boyfriend cakap, sebab dia takut sesat. so give and take 1 hour la.....

oh, begitu rupenye.......

so pukul 7 naik kereta........sekali die lalu pavillion, lalu hotel renaissance......and die guna lane sebelah kiri. signboard tepi tu cakap, belok kiri untuk pergi kl tower.

i pun dah macam, eh, boyfriend tipu nak bawak pergi kl tower rupenye! tapi i tak boleh perasan. so i cakap lah, "kenapa you amik lane ni? kita kan nak pergi straight....."

dia cakap dia nak potong dari kiri, cepat sikit.

so i pun tanak berharap.

bile traffic light hijau, boyfriend turned left! and i pun tersengih sengih and giggled and he giggled too sampai ter miss junction kl tower!!!!!!! ahahahahaha....sungguh memalukan....

so, bila dah sampai kl tower tu, biase lah, i excited sambil boyfriend takut nak naik tower tu tinggi sangat, tapi terpaksa juga berkorban demi girlfriend tercinta.

rupe-rupenye dah one week die buat booking!!!!!!!

and up we went, had our buffet dinner there. everybody was dressed nicely, orang putih pun seemed like enjoying themselves. friendly people.......took photos, borak borak, you know, just chilling..........

and then, people started to leave......i pulak tengah tengok tengok display telephone (kan kl tower to menara komunikasi). boyfriend excused himself, i thought he went to the loo.

ade waiter tu dah sebok sebok whether i wanted to get the bill, but i said i was just waiting for my boyfriend. baru i teringat, boyfriend i pergi mana niiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!

then.......i cakap, jom lah balik.......tapi die cakap, jangan, jom duduk dulu.....amik amik gambar....

so i pun duduk balik........and suddenly, he brought his chair close to mine, dia cakap nak amik waiter tu pun amik gambar kitorang.....

my boyfriend tak suke amik gambar, so, quite weird la kan.........i pun dah jadi suspicious........

and then, he seluk-seluk poket seluar dia, and i saw a red box, and i shrieked in a controlled manner even before he could do anything with the box!

and he asked me to marry him and he put the ring on my finger.........

ahahahahahahahahhaha.......suke suke suke suke!!!!

tapi tak berapa romantic. tapi good effort for a not romantic person la kan..........

being a kepochi, i started to sms all my friends to share my joy and happiness, "abg di propose dekat kl tower!!!!!!!!!!!!"

sambil sambil exchanging the sms, ade announcement, "this song is dedicated to i-lyn..."

tapi i buat tak layan la.......ramai gile kot nama leen leen leen, lagipun tengah excited nak sms orang.......

"from hamdi....."

terus i jadi macam ni, "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and giggled giggled giggled and updated everybody, "abang di dedicate lagu untuk i!!!!!!"

hahahahahah...gile muke tak malu bagitahu semua kawan i..........

and...........the night ended.........

boyfriend i cakap, he should have just sung it. i pun macam, "you berani ke? you hafal ke lirik?"

and he said, dia berani je nak nyanyi. tapi tak terfikir nak nyanyi tadi.......

well, nasib baik dia tak nyanyi. boyfriend i is not a good singer! kesian customer nanti cringing in pain.................

i love future husband! hehehehehe....

i-lyn at 2:45 PM

(1) comments

Thursday, February 04, 2010

so the lady was wheeled into the labour room, in pain and all.

i had just finished suturing one lady's perineum, so enough for me.

while i had a look at her, she said, "rasa nak terberak."

i pun terus panggil my colleague who intended to conduct her delivery, "cepat! dah nak terkeluar ni!"

it was not her first pregancy, so we expect some expedite delivery here.

yes, i saw she was pushing and the hole was moving and expelling a 'head'.

"cepat!" and my colleague tried to protect her perineum.

as i saw everything was under control, i turned my back but i heard the midwive said, "laaaaa....ini first twin!"

im like, omg, is this a twin preganancy?! i didnt know that, i should call the MO! i was just about to flip the file frantically, when i realized the 'head' that came out wasnt even a head.

oh, rupenye taik yang besar! nampak macam kepala budak yang dah berambut! hahahahahahaha!

and the midwives referred that shit as the first twin! hahahahhahahahahaha!!!!

lawak gile, bongok!

anyway, nak tahu ape lagi yang lawak dalam o&g?

sesiapa yang datang PAC, mestilah kena timbang berat lah, nama pun dah pregnant, mestilah kena monitor berat badan kan....

so, ade sorang patient walked in, nurse pon cakap dekat dia,

"puan, bukak kasut, timbang ye...."

lepas tu dia pergi timbang kasut dia!!!!!!!!!!!!

whahahahahahhahahahahahh!!!! lawak ke tak lawak tu, omg, so funny okay!!!!!!!!!!!!

i-lyn at 2:09 PM

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Sunday, January 24, 2010

i was supposed to be oncall on friday. but changes were made and i was forced to be oncall on saturday.

i was only told about it on thursday. i thought it was unfair because it was sudden, what if i've already made plans for my weekend. and number 2, weekday is not equivalent to a weekend. hish, not worth it la....

the worst part is, i was going to be oncall with the same team which i had a bad experience with. with the same exact ward MO, labour room MO and the specialist.

memang nasib lah!

nasib baik lah i ni baik hati and malas nak bersuara. bekerja kan mesti ikhlas...

i guess, i was so traumatised by the experience, i actually cried the day before im oncall. talk about anxiety attack!

the good thing is, ive worked with the ward MO before and she has gained trust in me. so, satu masalah sudah settled.

in the morning, the specialist came for rounds and she casually told me, "i-lyn, make sure you eat, dont come crying to me later at night..."

fuck my life. i was so embarassed, seriously, my HO leaders owe me big time!!!!!!!

my bosses are nice to me but since that incidence, i think its better for me to avoid, you know...i tanak lah nanti my specialist caring ter-lebih, people will talk and especially we, humans, tend to pilih kasih. cannot cannot cannot! we have to remain professional tau!

the night went alright. i basically had light meconium stained liquor after another, around 6 patients kot....tapi nasib baik CTG semua cantik and all except one went to the labour room in time and delievered safely...

another lady ended up requiring C-section with apgar score 5/10 (eeeeeekkkk!!!!). she developed chorioamnionitis but i think im saved since my documentation is complete.

didnt have much sleep but i wasnt that tired so i stayed around until 9-10am to help out doing the discharges. all the nurses thought i had a good night.

susah lah macam ni...bila i stay dengan niat nak menolong, diorang ingat i tidur banyak. waduh waduh!!!!!!!! bila i terus balik tak tolong langsung, nanti diorang cakap i ni selfish pulak! dah terang terang depan mata kerja banyak, takkan lah i tanak tolong...

i siap pergi ward round with the MO oncall.
him: i-lyn, are you postcall?
me: yup.
him: then, why are you still here?
me: im waiting for my motherrrrr......
him: why aren't you waiting for your boyfriend?
me: errrmm...because, im single??? =P
him: there must be something wrong with you la...why do you think you are single!!!!!

hahahahaha....i think almost everybody knows that im already booked. i pun tak tahu how they know. i mean, when im asked, i'd tell la...but i always remind them to keep it as a secret, just in case kalau i ada peminat baru ke.....hahahahahah!!! tapi my friends are never helpful, saja je nak menurunkan saham i tau!!!

tips how to survive is O&G:
in this department, when someone dislikes you, confrontation is never a good idea. avoid at all cost!

i-lyn at 1:01 PM

(1) comments

Sunday, January 10, 2010

i have cool friends, y'know, the kind who always come up with cool things to and cool places to go.

i love them!

semalam i pergi paintball, sekarang badan lenguh gila, sungguhlah tak fit.

even though tak fit, my team still won! woohhoooo!!!

and the best part is, i got to shoot bottles at the end of the game, which i imagined the people i hate and shoot their heads away.

i can be good when im annoyed/ angry, y'know!

eh, apesal i cakap banyak y'know y'know ni, macam hill billy pulak dah...hahahahah....

haritu main baseball pun tangan sakit.....

and hari tu pergi lookout point, like, gile jakun padahal orang lain semua dah pergi dah tempat tu....

hhmm...ape lagi cerita menarik nak share eh?

oh, hari tu mase my first oncall o&g, i TERnangis.


they put my first o&g call on weekend, antenatal ward somemore, and i had 47 patients to take care of.

i had to do blood taking, attending patients with myriad problems and vaginal examinations all day long non-stop. i didnt even pray or had the time to pass urine.

the day sucked my energy and my bosses even sucked the energy left in my body by picking at my faults.

by around 9pm, i was so under pressure, tears started to drop while i was reviewing patients. i did trying to hold back the tears, but i couldn't stop, i didnt sob okay, cuma ada kristal kristal yang jatuh berderai saja...hahahahahha...

it was so embarassing, i had to look down while writing quickly the necessary and looked away and went to the next patient without even saying a word or touching them. time lah away!

i know my patients noticed tapi semua orang senyap je, so thank god!

they noticed kot that im still wearing the same scrubs dengan rambut yang terurus, dari pagi sampai malam dekat lari lari dalam wad je.........

lepas tu, tah macam mana, terserempak dengan my specialist, and she asked how my day went and entah macam mana jugak lah i banjir di situ.

hahahhahahahhahaha.....!!!! lawak la pulak bile i fikir....

dan itu specialist yang garang tau!

"why are you crying? tell me..."
"have you had your shower?" i said NO.
"have you had your dinner?" i said NO.
she sighed, "have you had your lunch?" i said NO.
in fact, i only ate one karipap at 645am in the morning and it was already 11pm then. minum pun tak!!!!!

then, she asked me to take an hour long break, forced somebody to replace me while im taking my break and scolded the nurses, "why is my houseman not eating!" she screamed.
i didnt know she scolded the nurses, i only found out one day later and i felt so bad!!!!!!

and from that day on, im so popular because i am the reason my specialist scolded the nurses.

it was not my purpose at all okay!!!!!!

oh, i also found out that she searched for my other colleague who was oncall at the other ward, and my colleague told her the same thing. thats why she went beserk. and my colleague even admitted to me that he himself felt like crying that day!

hahahahahahha.....sebab die baru first posting and although it was his 2nd call, it was his first antenatal call.

so, yeah, me and my drama.

crying works!


jangan tiru macam i okay.

jangan kerja dekat hospital klang.

i-lyn at 3:08 AM

(2) comments

Friday, December 11, 2009

the medical field does a lot of things to you.

ever since medical school, i felt like quitting for quite a number of times. not that im weak, its the course thats eating me up.

itu pun, im quite lucky la that i did my studies overseas, i rase kalau dekat malaysia, i lagi stress kot....the people here, how should i describe it ha, hhmm...they are different.

sometimes, they are even psychotic.


first of all, its the government. the hospitals selalu tak cukup stocks, selalu tak cukup macam-macam, sebab takde budget. kalau tengok equipment dekat dalam operation theatre tu, memang menyedihkan. nak gunting benang pun pakai scissors tumpul. bengkak bengkok semuanya....
mana tak nya infection rate is so high!!!!!!

secondly, the people here sungguhlah unappreciative. wtf la kan datang hospital, orang dah bagi MC and prescribe ubat, they throw away the ubat into the bin and keep the MC. macam sial! membazir tak reti bersyukur, thats my money and because of people like this la yang menyebabkan the doctors here are underpaid.

lepas tu, dah tak makan ubat tu, bila sakit masuk hospital masuk ICU. cuba bayangkan the kos, berpuluh-puluh ribu untuk satu patient, just simply because patient tak compliant dengan medication yang murah murah yang kite bagi free free tu....

bodoh okay, bodoh!

kononnye hospital is a safe ground la....berapa ramai barang kena curi dekat hospital? my slippers pun kena curi. berapa ramai orang kena ragut dekat hospital? berapa ramai orang kena rogol dekat hospital? dan juga berapa ramai orang assault dekat hospital?

speaking about doctors pulak kan......

kalau kitorang kena needle prick injury ke, mati dalam ambulance ke, ade ke kite dapat compensation? we work so hard for the government, tiba tiba kite dapat HIV sebab some stupid junkie masuk hospital menepis nepis jarum, what do we get in return?

worth it ke ade life macam ni?

baik i kerja jadi kerani okay. memang dah jadi kerani pun sebab banyak gila paperwork kena buat. lebih lebih lagi kalau dapat team yang tak boleh diharap. semua pun depend on kite.....kang kalau kite marah, die cakap kita berlagak, nak pergi report. tapi kerja diorang sendiri tanak buat! senang senang je sikit sikit nak panggil doktor.

i bagi contoh la okay.

patient complaint sakit perut. terus panggil doktor. bile i tanya elok elok, rupanya patient sakit perut nak berak.
sakit hati tak????? sakit hati tak satu hari you kerja penat-penat, masalah sakit perut nak berak pun you nak inform i. bukan tak boleh nak berak pun, cuma mengada-ngada tanak berak dalam pampers. all i needed to do is some coaxing. coaxing saja, tak payah ubat, itupun i jugak kena buat!!!!!!

i jadi doctor not for the money (sebab kitorang memang tak kaya pun), tapi kalau im looking for quality of life, baik i jadi engineer ke.............

kalau respect tu memang jarang jarang sekali i dapat. bukan i yearn for it pun, tapi courtesy la kan..........

i tak paham, medicine has long established, but massive improvements are not seen even after years and years. kalau you tengok medicine in malaysia 20 years ago, dengan medicine now, ade berubah banyak ke? ade kemajuan ke?

the seniors, selalu cakap we are lucky. semua pun senang.

20 tahun lalu
- houseman dilayan macam orang besar
- nurse sangat hebat sampai boleh tolong amik darah semua
- houseman can do anything to patients lepas tu boleh try and error
- so few patients akan sue diorang kalau something bad happens. sebab tu houseman dulu can simply cucuk cucuk and give whatever medication they think might work. kalau patient mati, nasiblah kan......
- dulu ade ke ACLS? diorang ade follow protocol ke? ade ke diorang kena buat CPR for 30 minutes at least? tau tak buat CPR tu sangat penat?

do you know how screw up my life is?

sekarang ni i sakit, and i tak excited pun dapat MC. im so abnormal. kalau orang kerja lain, punye lah suke dapat MC, i siap negotiate lagi nak dapat MC as little as possible.

doktor: sakit ni, you kena cuti 5 hari.
me: ha?????? kurang sikit tak boleh?
doktor: okay....i bagi 3 hari.
me: bagi 2 hari lah....
doktor: you nak kerja on sunday?
me: i tanak membazir my leave....

okay, tiba tiba i rase nak nangis okay.
and feel like quitting all over again.

the problem is, if i quit, i dont know what else i could do to menampung diri sendiri. i have no talents. im so not special..........

kadang-kadang i fikir, can i be happy? is it too much to ask to be happy?!!!!!!

oh yeah. im getting married.

sangat tak excited pun nak kahwin....dengan kerja 7 kali seminggu, dengan cuti 8 hari setiap bulan (MC included, kalau you amik MC, deduct your leave okay), bila mase i nak prepare and getting excited about my wedding?

setiap hari i balik and collapse. itu pun nasib baik rumah dekat.

help me.

i-lyn at 2:35 AM

(3) comments

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

im now doing my second posting and im still wishing i hadnt returned to malaysia.

what is wrong with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

at least, i regret for choosing HTAR. and im so jealous of my other friends in other hospitals.

sedih tau...........depressing..............

especially when just now, somebody actually told to my face: i think you are in the wrong hospital.

she herself studied in australia and did her housemanship in malaysia, somewhere NOT in HTAR and she said she really enjoyed herself.

babi laaaaaaaaaaaa..............

i told my friend about it, he said, "baru menyesal ke?"

me: tak............i keep denying it and today somebody actually pointed it out to me......

friend: oh, thats normal. mula mula you sedih, lepas tu denial, im sure lepas ni it will lead to anger. hahahahaha.......

me: hahahahaha.......bilalah i nak sampai bahagian acceptance ni.......

friend: bila you dah jadi MO.

wtf!!!!!!! thats a long way to go...............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*depress mode on*

i-lyn at 2:13 PM

(2) comments